


Fighting Within

by wonderfulwizardofthozz



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Depression, Gen, I'll add tags as things become relevant, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Illness, Nobody Dies, Recovery, and a lot of support, and i apologize, but Marinette is suicidal, but it's gonna be a rough ride, but it's not graphic I promise, she picks a suicide date, suicide date, suicide warning, there's a lot of friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulwizardofthozz/pseuds/wonderfulwizardofthozz
Summary: When Chat Noir confronts Ladybug one night, she thought she'd hidden things better.A story about friendship, support, mental illness, and recovery...eventually. (And yes, there is talk about suicide before that.)





	1. Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Dearest readers, suicide is a tough topic to tackle, but I thought it was necessary. If reading about suicidal thoughts/mental illness would have a negative effect on you and your health, please skip this fic; the last thing I want is to cause someone to be unwell. However, if you can handle it, thank you for clicking through.
> 
> I will make a promise to you right now that Marinette is not going to kill herself in this story (nor is anybody else that we are attached to, for that matter). This is a story about love and support and all that nice stuff I put in the summary, but it'll take a while to get to the recovery part since I'm not exactly sure how to get there myself. This fic will also take a long time to be completed and will take a long time between updates.
> 
> TL;DR I talk about suicide and mental illness and recovery (eventually), but nobody that is of great importance to the story is going to kill themselves in this fic. Also, the fic will take forever.
> 
> Thanks for jumping in with me.  
> xoxo -wwot

The night was calm when they ended patrol, so Chat Noir urged Ladybug to sit with him on an unfamiliar rooftop and watch the city. She eventually conceded, letting the night return to its stillness when they got comfortable by swinging their feet over the edge of a railing.

For a while, Chat kept opening his mouth as if he were about to say something, but he changed his mind every time.

Ladybug raised an eyebrow, focused on the lights below. “Something you want to share?”

Chat took a deep breath and let out a slow exhale, speaking when he inhaled once more. “I’m concerned about your wellbeing, Ladybug.”

She quit swinging her feet and glanced over at him. “What do you mean?”

The soft glow of the night made the worry etched on his face all too apparent. “I-I mean that I’m scared for you and your mental health.”

Ladybug frowned. “What…what do you mean?” She crossed her arms, a defensive gesture.

He paused, considering his words carefully. “You, lately, have been, um…” He gestured loosely with his hands, not adding any clarity to his sentence. Chat cleared his throat and started speaking again, words rushing out as quickly as he could say them. “You’ve been different from your normal self for a while, and it worries me because I don’t think I can help you, but you really act like you need help, and I know I’m not the one to do it, but I still want to be there for you. And stuff.”

Ladybug didn’t respond, letting the relative silence hang over them for a few seconds. “What made you think that, Adrien?”

He gulped; she  _ never _ used civilian names in costume unless she was serious. “I-it started with the little things. You—and I’m not trying to be accusatory here—you started being more self-deprecating than usual a few months ago. It started slowly, so I only noticed it a couple of weeks ago, but it’s an awful lot. You’re also the mean kind of sarcastic way more than you used to be, usually towards yourself. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you fall asleep crying, either.”

She frowned. “How would you know that?”

“You forget that I used to do that, too. I know what it looks like, Mari.” He risked a glance at her, finding her gaze locked on the city below them. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shrugged a shoulder, clearly fighting within herself about whether or not to say something.

Chat sat there with her, leaning back on his hands for a more comfortable position until she broke the silence on her own.

“Ch—Adrien?”

“Hm?”

“I think I’m suicidal.”

He turned his head and saw her turning half away from him, lips pressing together, arms tightening around her knees.

“Oh, Marinette.” He slid over, putting both arms around her to draw her closer to him.

She didn’t fight him, letting her arms slack as he pulled her legs across his lap and her head to his chest. Her voice came as a whisper: “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

She sat up, incredulous. “But I do, Chat! I’m supposed to be this grand hero, the protector of Paris, half of the dynamic duo, but how can I  _ save _ people’s lives when all I want to do most the time is  _ end _ mine? I don’t even have it bad in life! My parents love me, I have you and Alya and Nino as the best friends I could ever ask for, your dad has that internship lined up for me as soon as we graduate—a  _ paid _ internship, might I remind you—and I’m our class president! There is literally nothing wrong with my life other than fighting this moron with a butterfly fetish, and yet I want nothing more than to walk out into traffic at any given time. So, yes, I do have something to be sorry for: that there’s no possible way that I’ll ever be good enough either in or out of the suit for myself, for my family, for my friends, or even for Paris.” She laughed bitterly. “Especially for Paris. Forgive me that I would rather die than feel like this all the time, alright?” Ladybug quieted down, resting her head back against Chat’s chest.

“You wouldn’t walk into traffic.”

A pause. “I might, Adrien.”

She could feel how he stiffened up, how the air shifted as he struggled for words. “Okay, we both know how you hate making decisions in everyday life sometimes, and I’m gonna make this one for you: You’re not walking into traffic tonight, okay?”

She hesitated. “Okay.”

They sat quietly for a few moments more.

“I’m sorry for burdening you with this.”

Chat moved them so he could look her in the eye. “You’re not a burden, Marinette. I would rather you tell somebody instead of keeping it to yourself.”

She nodded slightly. “We…we have a project due tomorrow that I haven’t quite finished. I need to get home.”

“Okay. Let me take you.”

“I—okay.” Ladybug untangled herself from his lap and helped him stand.

They dropped down from their spot and went the short distance to the bakery, landing on the roof together in silence.

Ladybug reached out and hugged him weakly. He tightened his arms around her and kissed her head. “You call me if anything happens, okay?”

She nodded. “I will. Promise.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Marinette.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”


	2. Intervention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter already because I didn't want to leave it on the previous note for a long time. That being said, the kids talk some things out in this chapter, but it ends on a lighter note than before. That won't always happen, but it felt like a shame to not do it just this once. Enjoy the chapter.

Ladybug swung into Adrien’s window at around two in the morning a few nights later, swearing loudly when she collided with the glass.

Adrien jumped at the noise, hurrying to let her in after pausing his game. “What are you doing here so late? You should be in bed.”

“Firstly, you’re one to talk because I can see that you’re gaming—” she pointed to his computer to prove her point “—and secondly, you told  _ Alya _ ?”

He frowned. “Told Alya what?”

“About what I told you the other night. The, uh, suicide thing.” She mumbled the last bit, suddenly afraid of someone overhearing.

“Honey, I had to. There’s no way I could keep that to myself when you need help.”

“Had it maybe occurred to you that I’ll be fine eventually? What about asking me first or even telling me after the fact instead of finding out that she knew when she  _ texted me with the suicide prevention hotline _ ?”

Adrien sighed. “You’re right. I should’ve told you that I’d spoken to her. I apologize for not telling you, but I’m not apologizing for telling her, Marin—Ladybug.” He glanced over his shoulder at the door. “Can you de-transform? It’ll be easier to explain civilian you than Ladybug you on the off chance someone walks in.”

“Yeah. Cover your eyes.” The light washed over her as she caught Tikki in her palms. “Please tell me you still have that cookie stash.”

“Yes, of course I do. Same place. Help yourself, Tikki.”

Tikki smiled at him and nuzzled his cheek before flying off to give them privacy.

“Anyway, as I was saying, I’m not apologizing for telling her. Alya loves you and cares about you, and she wants to be able to help you.” Adrien gestured to his bed, offering her the opportunity to get comfortable first.

Marinette sat on the end for a moment before laying on her back and staring at the ceiling, asking her question when Adrien copied her. “Who else knows?”

“Nino knows. The three of us talked about it and decided that that would be best coming from Alya since you’re closest to her—minus the Ladybug thing.”

“Okay, but what if I don’t want help? I’m capable of getting over this on my own, Adrien.”

“Exactly how long have you been suicidal?”

She sucked in a breath, trying to do the math and resorting to counting on her fingers. “About five months?” She looked over at him, afraid of his reaction.

Adrien looked back at her, making her feel vulnerable when she met his gaze. “Not just this time.”

Marinette’s eyes widened. “How did you…?”

“Because I know you, and Alya and I started comparing notes. We do pay attention to you, you know. Like how we noticed that Nino sprained his ankle and wasn’t doing anything about it. Oh, or like when you figured out that Alya was getting severely sleep-deprived because she was spending too much time trying to perfect the Ladyblog.”

She stared back at the ceiling, taking slow breaths to gather her thoughts. “The first time was probably six years ago or so. I was laying in bed and realized that I could just pull a blanket or pillow over my face and suffocate myself if I really wanted to. Like, I know that’s morbid for a young teenager to think about, but that's the first time. The next serious time was two years ago, I think. It was right after my uncle died, and I felt guilty about not talking to him more, especially after he was akumatized.” She reached over and grabbed Adrien’s hand tightly. “It’s...it's been on the back burner ever since, honestly. Just came to the forefront when I started getting more stressed with school and saving the world and shit.”

Adrien held onto her fingers. “Would you be less stressed if we had someone else to help us fight Hawkmoth?”

“I mean, maybe. I understand that I still have to do all the cleansing or whatever, but that might help some.”

“Okay. Let’s talk to Master Fu about it, then. He’s seen it all; he’ll know what to do about it.”

She pretended to observe something on the other side of the room while she murmured, “He probably hasn’t seen a suicidal Ladybug.”

“Marinette, that’s not fair. Maybe he hasn’t, but he’s definitely been around long enough to have known someone else who was. I’m sure that he would be more than happy to help in whatever way he can.”

A sigh. “I guess you’re right.”

“And if you feel like doing anything stupid, you have three numbers that you can call.”

“But Alya only gave me two—oh. Oh, thank you.”

Adrien lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

“Adrien?”

“Yeah?”

“If I think I’m going to do anything, you’ll know about it beforehand. Like, it won’t be my parents calling you or anything. I’ll call you or text you or something, okay?”

“I...don’t like hearing that, but okay. Thank you. I’m holding you to that.”

“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”

They looked over at each other, soaking in the uncertainty and understanding before speaking over each other.

“I love you.”

“I love you—wait.” Marinette started laughing, covering her face with her free arm.

Adrien laughed with her, shaking his head at the two of them. “We’re a mess.”

“Yeah, we are. Mostly me, though.” She felt that familiar weight settle back on her chest as the smile faded from her lips. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

He shrugged. “It’s what I like about you. You don’t have to apologize.” Adrien yawned and stretched, smiling when her yawn echoed his. “I have a feeling that you need to get to bed. You’re welcome to stay here until five or you can go home now. Whatever you like.”

“Hmm, sleep next to the world’s cuddliest human heater or spend the next few hours alone in my cold bed. What a difficult decision.”

“Your jam-jams are in the same drawer as usual. I call the bathroom first.”

“Ugh, fine. Make sure you set an alarm. We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

The two teased each other as they got ready for bed and ended up next to each other again, falling into a comfortable slumber as soon as they were under the covers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think down below.
> 
> If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, please don't go through with it. Call someone first. There are suicide prevention hotlines in lots of countries, so please look that up if you're dealing with that. Getting help is possible; please don't take the drastic way out.
> 
> much love, -wwot


	3. Camaraderie

Marinette trudged into class at a reasonable hour.  _ Waking up before five will do that to you, I guess. _

Alya waved at her and smiled. “Did you get my text last night?”

Marinette froze. “Yeah, yeah I did. I got busy and didn’t respond to it, sorry. But, um, thank you. I appreciate it.” She pressed her lips together, standing awkwardly in front of the seat she occupied every day.

“Sit down, babe.”

“Right, right.” Marinette slid into her seat, leaning into Alya’s hug when she realized it was happening. “I do mean it. Thank you.”

“You know you can always talk to me. Did you call last night?” Alya rested her arm on the back of Marinette's seat, determined to keep the closeness between them.

“No, I didn't, but I did look at the website you gave me.”

“What website?” Nino plopped into his seat, turning towards them.

“The  _ website _ , Nino.” Alya stared at him like he should already know.

“Oh! Right. That. I'm glad you looked at it, Nettie. We're here if you need anything, okay?” Nino held out his fist, smiling when she bumped it with her own.

“Thanks, guys. I'll be fine, really.” She smiled, hoping they wouldn't notice how it didn't reach her eyes.

“Well, in case you're not, we're still around. And Adrien. Where the hell is that kid, Nino?” Alya laid her hand on Marinette’s knee, squeezing Marinette's fingers when they found hers.

“I think he had a shoot this morning. He'll be in after lunch. Let me double check that.” Nino slid his phone from his pocket and scrolled through his texts. “Yeah, he'll be in after lunch. He said to say hi and he loves you guys. He also sent this selfie.” Nino turned his phone around so they could see Adrien with a genuine smile and a little bit of stubble, flashing the sign language for  _ I love you _ . “I'll send that to you both if you want.”

“Um, duh!” Marinette and Alya looked at each other and laughed. Maybe it wasn't so bad that Alya and Nino knew, after all.

By the time they met by the steps after lunch, that was the universal contact photo for him.

“We missed you this morning, dude. Cute picture, though.” Alya winked at him, laughing when he snorted.

“Leave it to Nino to show personal pictures to everybody.”

“Actually, it's your new contact photo. At least for me, anyway.”

“It's mine, too.” Nino pulled up his contacts as evidence to his truthfulness.

“Wait, I thought I was the only one doing it!” Marinette shook her head. “And here I thought I was being original.”

Adrien threw his hands up. “Great! Everybody's seen my secret bro pics! How could you betray me like this, Nino?” He pretended to be distressed, but his eyes betrayed amusement.

Alya jumped to his defense. “We definitely coerced him into doing it. Right, Marinette?”

“Yes, definitely! The secret bro pics were stolen. Mostly. Kind of.” Marinette shrugged a shoulder; she knew that Adrien could figure out the truth.

“In that case, I forgive you, dearest Nino. I don't know what I would ever do without you.” Adrien held out his arms to hug Nino, changing his stance at the last second to cup Nino’s face and plant a loud kiss on his cheek.

“Gross! Dude! Not in public!” Nino rubbed the spot while the other three laughed at him.

Marinette took pity on him first. “I'm sorry, Nino. I know you like to proclaim your bro-ness behind closed doors.” She reached over and took his hand. “That's why I'm forced to do this.” She pulled him closer and left a kiss on his other cheek, complete with a pink lipstick stain.

Nino yanked his hand out of hers, scrubbing his face vigorously with his fingers. “Dude!”

Alya closed the small circle. “But how else are we supposed to tell the world we love each other?”

“You could just  _ say it _ .”

Alya glanced at the other two and whispered, “I love you.”

Nino raised an eyebrow. “Why did you whisper that?”

“Because you guys are my world, bro.” Alya grinned as Nino groaned and Adrien and Marinette whispered, “Bro.”

Nino shook his head. “We're gonna be late for class, nerds. You need to spend less time online and more time being normal.” He excused himself from the circle and turned around. “See you geeks inside.”

Adrien pointed at Nino with his thumb. “Who's he calling a nerd?”

Alya pushed Adrien inside, Marinette close behind them. “Probably you, anime boy. Glad to have you back this afternoon, though. I'm gonna run to the WC before class. See you!”

“Bye, girl.” Adrien waved and slowed so Marinette could match pace with him.

“You didn't tell me you had a shoot this morning. I just thought I had to be out at five like usual.”

“Oh, sorry. Now that I think about it, we were talking about something slightly more important than my work schedule.” He bumped into her. “I'll try to tell you next time.”

“I don't want this whole thing to be all we talk about now. It's not that big of a deal.”

“Not that—Buginette, it's a little bit of a deal for sure. But I understand.” He held out his arm for her so they could walk together, which she accepted. “I'll tell you about my shoot instead. How does that sound?”

“Perfect. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter felt a little lighter than the previous two. I don't have a whole lot to say about it, honestly. So...yeah. -wwot


	4. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, fun fact, this chapter features Marinette being a bit too upset about everything and talking very specifically about how she'd like to kill herself. If that would bother you or cause you to do anything that would hurt yourself, please skip this chapter.
> 
> I love you all; please stay safe and enjoy the chapter.

Marinette hated rainy days. With one notable exception, they were all bad, and this day was turning out no differently. Absolutely nothing was going right. She’d gotten to school late after a terrible night’s sleep, two akumas had attacked in six hours, and she'd missed her bus home because she was working late on pre-internship preparation. She sat outside in the rain, umbrellas forgotten. Without warning, Marinette started to cry.

_ Stupid. Idiot. Worthless, forgetful woman. Because watching the time or bringing an umbrella would've been too easy! Way to fucking go, moron. _

She pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes, trying to rid them of excess moisture to no avail. Marinette started crying harder, hiccuping as she did.

_ I should just walk out in front of the bus. Then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. _

A tune with a good beat started playing on her phone—Nino had insisted on making all of their ringtones, and Marinette had picked her favorite one for him out of gratitude.

“What do you want, Nino?” Her voice was sharp and quick.

“Easy, I was just calling to brag on Alya, but what's wrong?”

“Only everything! Nothing in this entire day has gone right!” Marinette sat for half a second on the wet bench, jumping up with a screech when she realized how much colder it would be than standing.

“Okay, let's calm down and talk about it for a minute. What happened?”

“I slept like shit, I got to school late, the akumas fucked up my study plans for our exams, and I forgot to watch the time at my internship, so now I'm stuck out in the rain until the next bus comes because I also decided that today would be an excellent day to forget an umbrella like the fucking  _ genius  _ I am!”

“That sounds awful, babe. I'm sorry you've had that kind of day.”

“I just don't want to deal with it, Nino. I'm done. I'm beyond fucking done for today. I just want to be home and warm and  _ asleep _ or to just curl up in the street or  _ something  _ that isn't this.”

“Nettie, you're kinda freaking me out. Take a few deep breaths and think about this.”

“I  _ am _ thinking about this! And I don’t want to do it anymore!”

Nino floundered for an answer. “Okay, hold on. You're waiting until the next bus, and you're getting on it and going home. I'm gonna call your parents when we hang up and talk to mine and see if I can't spend the night tonight. I'll make up some project or something. Then I'll see you either tonight or tomorrow at school, and we'll try and figure something out for you. How does that sound?”

Marinette contemplated his proposal for a moment. “Okay. That sounds fine.”

“Alright. Worst case scenario, your parents will have warm food and dry clothes for you when you get home. I'll let you know what the plan is when I know.”

“O-Okay. I'm sorry for putting this on you.”

“Nettie, babe, you're more than fine. I want to do everything I can to help. I'm gonna hang up now and work on the plans. I hope your bus comes soon. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Thank you. Oh, I think I see it! Finally!”

“That's great! I'll talk to you later. Have a good bus ride.”

“Thanks. Bye.” She hung up as the bus braked in front of her, thankful that it was at least dry.

Nino was already at her house when she got home and greeted her with a hug, wrapping her in a towel at the same time. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Marinette pulled the towel around her, wringing out her pigtails with a corner of it.

Nino settled himself back on the couch. “Your mom has some soup on the stove. She said that you should take a quick shower before you eat so you can warm up and stuff.”

“Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Have you eaten yet?”

“I ate at home. Go get warm and take a shower, put on your jam-jams, and we’ll talk while you eat. I’ll still be here when you get done.”

Marinette obeyed and sat on the couch next to Nino a little while later, resting her wet head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I blew up on you.”

“It’s okay. Some days are like that.” Nino nestled his head against hers. “Here, eat.” He picked up her bowl from the coffee table and handed it to her. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Marinette swallowed a bit of soup and answered him. “That’s just it. What’s there to talk about? I already yelled about all of it.”

“Okay, fair, but sometimes talking about it when you’re calm can help things, too.”

“But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” To prove her point, she kept eating.

Nino sighed. “I’m just worried about you, Nettie.”

“I didn’t ask you to be, but thanks, I guess.”

“You can’t pretend that you don’t worry about us.”

“Yeah, because those are things that require worrying about. Adrien doesn’t eat enough when he gets busy or stressed, Alya runs into almost every akuma battle if she can help it—and she’s getting better about it, finally, but still—and you won’t take care of yourself half of the time and you literally tell none of us. Like, how am I supposed to feel like  _ I’m _ the one who needs worried about when you guys all have stuff going on, too?”

“Because we’re your  _ friends _ , Marinette. Friends show concern for each other, especially when things aren’t going well.”

“But things  _ are  _ going well! I’m just having a bad reaction to it!”

Nino turned his whole body towards her, shaking her from her spot. “A  _ bad reaction _ ? Babe, you’re admittedly suicida—”

She shoved a finger over his mouth. “Not so loud! That is  _ not  _ something my parents need to know!”

He took a slow breath. “Okay. Finish your soup, and we can talk more later when we’re working on our fake project.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Nino wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head. “Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, lovelies, let me know what you think. I'm around if you need to talk to me about anything.
> 
> And, personal note, I finally have an appointment with a therapist next week. So, thanks for all of your support. It means the world to me.
> 
> -wwot


	5. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my end note is kind of a word vomit, I'd like to take this opportunity to say that though this chapter isn't as heavy as some of the rest, it's still not super fun and I've had a similar thing happen to me and it kinda sucks. So, if reading about this would bother you or cause you to inflict harm upon yourself or others, please refrain from reading it. (I mean it; your mental health isn't worth reading a fic.)

The gang was having a picnic lunch a few weeks after graduation. For Alya and Adrien, university was just around the corner; Marinette and Nino were getting started with internships and a year off.

“So, um, I have news, guys.” Marinette looked terrified, her fork forgotten in her food.

Alya put her sandwich down. “You can't just say that and not spill what's up! What is it?”

Marinette looked at each of them in turn and swallowed. “I'm gonna start going to a support group. For the, um, thing.”

Adrien's face lit up. “That's great, Marinette! I hope it helps you. When we finally convinced my father to let me go, a support group was really beneficial to me. Not that it's the same thing, but I hope it works out for you.”

Nino turned to him. “I didn't know you had gone to a support group.”

“Oh! Yeah, I did. Nathalie talked him into it after I'd been asking for a few months. I think she showed him some study or statistics or something about recovering from grief and support groups that she may or may not have made up just to prove a point.” Adrien grinned at them. “So, in conclusion, support groups can be great.”

Alya took a sip of water, leaving the cap off when she put it down. “I totally agree. My mom went to one after her miscarriage and before she had the twins, and she always says how helpful it was to her.

Marinette frowned. “I didn’t know your mom had a miscarriage.”

“No? Right, it was before I knew you. I forget we haven’t always known each other sometimes.” Alya shrugged, returning to her sandwich.

Nino spoke around his chips. “So, when’s your first meeting?”

“Tonight.”

Alya knocked an empty bottle over as she was reaching for Marinette’s arm. “Marinette, you could’ve told us sooner! Do you want someone to go with you?”

“I-I mean, I don’t want to be a burden on you guys. Like, you can if you want, but you definitely don’t have to.”

“Doll, I have nothing going on tonight. I would love to go and support you.” Alya smiled at her. “I can wait outside and work on the Ladyblog for as long as it takes. Unless you want me in there with you, of course.”

“I'm not sure.” Marinette looked back at her food, feeling overwhelmed.

Adrien cleared his throat. “Nathalie went in on the first two or three with me, but she just dropped me off after that. It was good for me to have someone there the first few times so I could get used to it, but it also felt restricting, like I couldn't be open without it coming back to bite me on the ass. Asking her to wait outside and talking without fear of judgment was really freeing. Ah, shit. I'm rambling. Sorry about that. Where was I even going with this?”

“Rest assured that literally nobody here knows, dude.” Nino threw a chip at him, laughing. “We get it, nerd. You liked group therapy.”

Marinette watched them bicker, quietly tucking her sandwich back into its wrapper; anxiety made her lose her appetite.

Alya stood, drawing all attention to herself. “I should go check in with the twins; they were sick earlier, and they’re alone until my mom comes home. Nettie, I’ll see you later. I’ll meet you at your house. Wait, is mine on the way? You know what, text me, and we’ll come up with a plan later.” Alya bent over and planted a kiss on each of their heads in turn, snickering as Nino tried to shake her off. “Love you, nerds.”

They gave a chorus of “Love you toos” and returned to their picnic, Marinette never quite relaxing.

* * *

Alya read the directions on her phone, holding Marinette’s hand on their way up to the fourth floor.

Marinette tried to control her breathing, panic welling up in her chest.

Alya squeezed her hand, offering a reassuring smile. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

Marinette looked back at her, pressing her lips together while she considered her response. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” They walked up to the door where Alya squeezed her hand one last time. “I’ll be in the Starbucks downstairs if you need me, and I’ll have my phone on the whole time, okay?”

Marinette nodded. “Okay. Wish me luck.”

They waved, and Marinette turned to the door and opened it with a great sigh.

“Hi!” Two cheery faces greeted her, but the room was otherwise empty. “Can we help you?”

“I-I’m here for the support group?”

“Survivors of suicide, right.”

Marinette’s breath caught in her chest. “That’s...Oh, am I in the wrong place?”

“We talk about our loved ones whom we’ve lost to suicide.”

She felt like she might cry, but no tears came to her eyes. “I’m definitely in the wrong place. I-I’m sorry. The description wasn’t very clear, it just said ‘Suicide Support Group’ on the website.”

The man looked at her kindly. “We keep telling them that it needs to be changed. But maybe you can tell us what your problem is, and we can direct you to the right place.”

Marinette wanted to run out of there. “I...I’m, um…” She took a deep breath, trying to quell her nerves. “I’m suicidal, and I thought this would be the place to come and talk about it, so now I’m a little lost and now I’m starting to ramble and I’m sorry.”

They looked like they might panic. “Are you going to do anything about it right now?”

Marinette threw her hands up, defensive. “No, no. I’m sorry for wasting your time.” She turned and fled down the stairs, altogether too numb to process it correctly.

Alya spotted her and got up from her chair. “What are you doing down so soon?”

Marinette shook her head. “It was for survivors of suicide. Like, if you’ve lost someone to suicide.”

Alya wrapped her arms around her. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I was afraid of something like that happening.”

Marinette shrugged a little. “Can we just go?”

“Of course. Wanna walk around the Trocadero for a while? It might be crowded, but at least it’s still doing something.”

Marinette nodded. “Yeah, I like that idea.”

Alya’s phone beeped, prompting her to let go of Marinette and look at it. “Huh. Akuma at the Trocadero. If you want, I’ll drop you off at your house on the way.”

“Please do.”  _ Seriously? Fuck you, Hawkmoth. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now that the ML content blackout is over, here's another chapter of this one. Be on the lookout for another chapter of Fashion Faux Paws, too.
> 
> I'm crazy tired so this is probably nonsense BUT I'd like to thank my amazing Hufflepuff squad Leisey and livinglittlelie for supporting me in this and laughing and cheering me up and generally being gems about this whole thing (here's something I said to them earlier: "Also, in case anybody missed the memo, writing a fic about depression is, in fact, kinda depressing"). So yeah I love them and go check them out
> 
> Also I'd really love your feedback for this story even though it's a sensitive topic, so please feel free to leave something down below (even if it's just a thumbs up or something; I'm not picky). Or if you wanna talk about anything, feel free to find me at miraculousbuttercup on tumblr.
> 
> Yep love you people
> 
> xoxo -wwot


	6. Consolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter talks a bit about self-harm but does NOT show anything graphic or do much more than mention that it happens. If that or talk of suicide causes harm to your mental health and/or well-being, please do not read it.

Ladybug swung onto the scene, fire in her eyes. “What seems to be the problem here? Bothering people for no good reason, Hawkmoth? Well, maybe people have their own issues to deal with, jackass!”

Chat Noir appeared beside her, shocked at the outburst. “Woah, what’s wrong?”

Ladybug turned, muttering to where nobody else could hear. “Fucking support group didn’t work out. I’ll tell you about it later.”

Chat blinked, clearly surprised by her casual swearing. “O-okay. Yeah, later.”

Ladybug swore again and pulled Chat down in the nick of time, narrowly avoiding The Shredder’s sharp claws.

“I do  _ not  _ need to be dealing with a Wolverine knock-off today,” she murmured to herself.

Chat pulled Ladybug close and vaulted them both away, pausing when they were a safe distance from the fight. “Are you alright to do this today?” He cupped her face in his hands, worry etched between his brows.

She shrugged a shoulder “Maybe not, but someone’s gotta do it—hey!” She pointed behind him at someone fighting The Shredder. “Is that... _ Lila _ ?”

“Nope. Look, the hair’s different. Seems like Master Fu listened to my request after all.”

“What request?”

“Later. Let’s go help her.” Chat vaulted away again, Ladybug a step behind with her yoyo.

“Looks like we don’t have a  _ shred  _ of dignity around here,” Chat called.

The Shredder only screeched in response, lunging to Chat instead.

Ladybug knocked them off balance with her yoyo, sending razors everywhere. “Hey, new girl, what’s the item?”

“Necklace. Gimme a sec.” The heroine played her flute, creating an illusion that calmed The Shredder. She walked over and plucked it from their neck and threw it to Ladybug. “I’m done here. Peace out, bean sprouts.” She flashed the peace symbol and bounded away, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

“What in the hell…?” Ladybug shook her head and purified the necklace. She called for Lucky Charm to fix what little damage The Shredder had done, breathing a sigh of relief when it was over. When she looked over at the girl where The Shredder had been, she saw Chat already kneeling next to her and asking her questions in a low voice.

“A couple of my classmates found out that I cut myself sometimes and started teasing me about it.” She shrugged a shoulder, not making eye contact. “I guess I got overwhelmed by it.”

Ladybug was frozen into silence.

Chat sat down. “I know Bug’s gotta go before long, but I can stay a while if you want to talk about it.”

The girl shrugged a shoulder, unknowingly mirroring Ladybug’s earlier gesture.

Ladybug jumped when her earring beeped. She looked between the two of them, opening her mouth without finding words. She stood like that for a moment, snapping her mouth closed and turning on her heel to leave them be.

_ Couldn’t even stay and talk to her. Coward. _

* * *

Chat dropped in on her balcony a few hours later. “Hey.”

She looked over from where she was bundled in a light blanket, Tikki napping in her room. “Hey.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad that you had to leave. It sounded like Bethany understood why.”

“Is that her name?”

“It is. She’s pretty sweet. Doesn’t get along with her parents, but that’s normal sometimes.” He sat next to her and pulled her into his lap with a kiss on the head. “How are you holding up?”

She settled against him, resting her forehead against his neck. “I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I don’t think any of us were. Frankly, I’d like to give Hawkmoth a swift punch to the dick for this one. Total abuse of power when someone’s hurting that much.”

“I’ve thought about doing that, you know.”

Chat chuckled. “Punching Hawkmoth in the dick? That’s something I’d pay good money to see.”

Marinette stiffened. “No, um...self-harm.”

Chat sobered almost immediately. “Oh. What stopped you?”

“It seemed too easy. I knew it was a cop-out. Besides, nobody would question it further if I blamed it on sewing. Everybody knows I’m clumsy.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

They sat in silence for a while, Chat not daring to move or ruin the stillness. Marinette played with his fingers, yawning softly. “It’s been a long day.”

“I’d agree with that. What happened with the support group?”

“It’s for people whose loved ones have died as a result of suicide. It had a very poor description. I’m not thrilled about it.” Marinette dropped his fingers, staring out at nothing.

“Believe it or not, I had actually figured that out.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. The attack happened literally as Alya and I were leaving, so I was still distressed. And, hey, what’s with the new team member?”

Chat perked up a little. “I talked to Master Fu, and he agreed to release the fox. She’s supposed to help us out when it looks like it’s starting to be too much for us. I don’t know who it is, but I have my suspicions.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me?”

He hesitated, but only for a moment. “Because I am, a little bit. I know who I suggested for the job, obviously, but I don’t know who he eventually decided upon. Technically just a lie of omission. Sorry.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?”

“I know who you would’ve said, and I would pick the same person.”

“Oh, Alya?”

“Yep.”

“Do you think Master Fu listened?”

“I don’t know. It’s possible, but it’s not our business yet.” Chat pressed another kiss to her head. “I’m sorry the support group didn’t work out.”

“It’s...you know, it’s not okay, but I’ll figure something out. Maybe.”

“Please do. I hate that you’re hurting like this.”

Marinette frowned. “Huh?”

“It’s terrible to me that you’re hurting. I just want you to be happy.”

“Oh. Thank you. I’m trying.”

“I know you are. That’s all I ask.” He squeezed her gently, keeping her close. “Are you okay?”

Marinette shrugged, wondering how many more conversations like this they were bound to have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so...this chapter happened. More are on the way, of course.
> 
> How am I? Haha, that's an excellent question. I'm currently coming down from being kinda buzzed and emotionally dealing with all the weird things in my life, some of which I need to bring up with my therapist during my next appointment. I'm currently on vacation until tomorrow; spent a good three hours in the hotel feeling icky earlier today (so I drank this evening; I'm a freaking genius). I am honestly just tired of everything, but I'm attempting to hang in there and stuff. I told someone earlier that I need whiskey to deal with some of this, but there's no whiskey to be had around here, so I'll probably just get to bed instead.
> 
> If you wanna let me know what you think of this chapter, that's cool. If not, that's cool, too.
> 
> xoxo -wwot


	7. Invasive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: This chapter is pretty heavy and features very invasive thoughts. There are also suicidal thoughts in this chapter. If any of that would cause you trouble, then please skip this chapter.

Marinette yawned. She was exhausted, and she’d only been working for half an hour. It’s not that she hadn’t gotten enough sleep; she’d gotten plenty of sleep. Too much sleep. She frowned and counted on her fingers, realizing that she’d gotten ten hours, though it was broken up. There was no reason she should be tired, though she supposed that maybe it was because it was interrupted.

She sighed and stared at the design she was working on, unsatisfied with how it was turning out. She glanced around at the other interns and got up, mumbling an excuse about going to the bathroom.

Marinette didn’t go to the bathroom. She went to the fabric room; she found it relaxing to touch all the soft fabrics, so she wandered around for a few minutes, running her fingers along as many as she could.

She stopped at a particularly soft one, the desire to keep walking suddenly drained.

She sat on the floor and stroked the fabric where it hung by her face.

She lost interest in that and laid down.

She stared at the ceiling, letting her thoughts wash over her.

_ You stupid moron. First, you lied to everybody, and now you’re literally lying down on the job. Gabriel was nice enough to help you get that internship, and this is how you repay him? You’re utterly worthless, Marinette. You can’t even motivate yourself to pull your stupid ass off the floor and go back to the thing you’re getting paid to do. You never even deserved this internship in the first place; you just got it in some weird scheme full of nepotism and deceit. A better place to lay yourself down would be in the street. Sure, some people would stop, but somebody would have the decency to run you over instead of letting you continue to live this miserable life you’ve created for yourself. You don’t deserve powers of creation, either. Master Fu and Tikki should’ve known better. Alya would’ve been a better fit for the job. Then all of Paris wouldn’t have to mourn the loss of someone they never really knew anyway. Is it even worth it? All I get is a statue and a blog dedicated to me written by my best friend who still doesn’t know my secret. I wonder if Adrien will tell her and Nino and my parents when I’m gone. My headstone will read, ‘Here lies Marinette Dupain-Cheng: She saved Paris, but she couldn’t save herself.’ Adrien will be so disappointed in me. He’s gonna wish he had someone else for a partner. No, he’s probably already wished for someone else. Nothing to be done about it now, though. _

The door opened, startling her.

“Hello?”

Marinette scrambled up. “Freddie! Sorry, I was just, uh, getting inspiration from the fabric! Having a bit of a block this morning!”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me. Just show up at your desk eventually.”

“Um, I’m gonna go ahead and go right now.” She stood there for a moment longer, vacating the area when she had enough energy.

When Marinette got back to her desk, she doodled aimlessly until lunch.

“Hey, Mari, wanna come get sandwiches with us?” Ann gave her a sweet smile.

Marinette blinked. “Oh, uh, I’m good, but thanks. Maybe another time?”

“Okay! We’d love to have you along whenever.” Ann gestured to the rest of the group that was waiting. “We’ll see you in an hour!” She waved and joined the others.

Marinette waved, laying her head on her desk when they were out of sight.

_ She’s lying. They don’t really want you around. They’re just saying that because they feel sorry for your sad self. You should walk out in front of a bus later. _

She sighed. She didn’t feel like eating or working.  _ Or existing, for that matter. _ Marinette closed her eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

“Marinette? Hey, Marinette?”

She blinked her eyes open and yawned. “Yeah?”

“Hey, lunch is over. We thought we should wake you up. Are you feeling okay?” Freddie laid his hand on the back of her chair.

Marinette nodded, yawning again. “Yeah, yeah. Just kinda tired. Thanks for waking me up.”

He frowned. “You know what? It’s Friday. You’re clearly not feeling well. Just go home. I’ll cover for you, okay?”

She hesitated, unwilling to accept. “I’ll be fine.”

“No, Marinette. You’ve worked hard all this week, and I’m saying that you need a break. Go home, spend some time with your friends, and I’ll see you on Monday.”

She hesitated, fighting the urge to protest again. “Okay. I’ll see you.”

Freddie waved as he walked off, oblivious to Marinette’s mental turmoil as she packed up her things.

_ He’s saying that because he doesn’t want you here, Marinette. He’s making excuses so he doesn’t have to deal with you for the rest of the weekend. I can’t even blame him. I don’t want to deal with me for the rest of the weekend, either. He wouldn’t mind having you here if you got off your lazy ass and did things for once. _

She waved to everybody, covering another yawn as she left.

The barrage of insults continued as she went home.

_ You know, you could’ve just avoided this whole thing. You’ll never be worth anything, so what’s the point in trying? You could just give up now, take over the bakery, and fade into non-existence. That would really suit you well, you know. _

She waved briefly to her parents as she walked in. “I’m not feeling too well. I’m gonna go to bed.”

They sent their wishes for her to feel better, but they went unnoticed.

Marinette dropped her stuff next to her trapdoor, kicked her shoes off, and curled up on top of her covers.

Tikki flew out of her purse. “Marinette?”

“Hey, Tikki.”

“What’s wrong?”

Marinette shook her head. “I’ll never be worth anything, Tikki. There’s no point in doing any of this anymore.”

“That’s not true, Marinette. There are plenty of people who think you’re worth something, and they’re right. Where would we be without you?”

“Probably closer to finding Hawkmoth. Probably wouldn’t have to wait this long to beat him. They’d be better off if I weren’t around.” Marinette stared at the ceiling. “But I’m too much of a coward to do anything about it.”

“That’s not even close to being true. You’re doing your best, and everybody’s proud of you for that. And living even when you don’t want to makes you brave, not a coward.”

Marinette shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not so sure. I’m gonna go to sleep now.” She rolled over, facing away from Tikki.

Tikki looked at where Marinette’s phone was forgotten on the floor and flew over to it, typing a quick message to Adrien and whispering to herself, “I hope he sees that soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies.
> 
> I was supposed to publish another chapter of Off the Hook today, but I've been having a rough time lately. I don't know that I've written much in the last month, honestly, but I had this written, so I thought I'd publish it so I was at least publishing something.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought down below; I always appreciate feedback.
> 
> xoxo -wwot


	8. Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien checks on Marinette after that text from Tikki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mention self-harm scars in this chapter, so be warned (it's not graphic, promise). Also, the whole fic is literally about depression, so please don't read it if it'll put your mental state at risk.
> 
> If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call a suicide prevention hotline for your country.

Adrien popped his head in her trapdoor, hiding his panic from Tikki’s message. “Hey, I heard you weren’t doing well today.”

Marinette jumped and looked over at him. “Who told you that?”

He waved his phone at her. “Tikki.”

“Mm. I forget she knows my password sometimes.”

He sat next to her on her bed. “Well, I know your password, too. Doesn’t Alya?”

“And Nino does, too.” She made room for him next to her, draping the blanket over his legs when he settled down.

Plagg emerged from Adrien’s pocket. “Am I the only one who doesn’t know it?”

“Yes, now go get some cheese. The grownups are trying to have a conversation.” Adrien shooed him away.

“I’m five thousand years old, Adrien. Your measly eighteen years mean nothing to me.” Plagg flew off in search of Tikki (and Marinette’s cheese stash).

Marinette stared up at her ceiling. “So, what brings you here, exactly?”

“You weren’t doing well, so I wanted to come check on you.”

“Why do you even care? I’ll be fine. Just having a rough day is all.”

Adrien looked over at her. “And you’re saying you wouldn’t come see how I was doing if Plagg sent you a message that said I was having a bad day?”

Her brows furrowed. “Of course I would, but it would probably be serious if Plagg were sending you a message. Not doing well is my standard anymore; it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Well, I beg to differ. Your standard should be better than that.”

“Well, gee, I’m sorry it’s not.”

Adrien frowned; she was being mean, but he knew it was because she was hurting. It didn’t make it right, but it wasn’t worth the trouble at the moment. He took a deep breath, deciding to let it go. “Marinette, I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean that I want you to be well.”

She bit her lip. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

They laid in silence for a few minutes, idly playing with each other’s fingers until Marinette broke the silence. “I don’t know, Adrien. I guess I just think it shouldn’t be a major point of concern because it feels like a character trait at this point. You know, like it’s something permanent. 'Hi, I'm Marinette. I'm a fashion designer, I'm Ladybug, and, oh, I'm suicidal!' Fuck, that sounds pitiful. I’m sorry.”

“May I share something with you?”

She shrugged. “If it’ll make you feel better. Sure, go for it.”

“Okay, so, the easiest way to show you is to, uh…” His face turned red. “So, I’m going to take my pants off, but I’m not trying to do anything weird, I swear.”

“I believe you.”

Adrien stood up and let his pants fall to the ground at his ankles. He shuffled over and sat next to her. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Is this making you uncomfortable?”

She shrugged. “We’ve slept in the same bed before.”

“Okay. Um…” He mentally bit the bullet and rolled the hem of his boxer shorts up a few inches, revealing a small pattern of scars. “I have them on both legs.”

Sympathy panged in her chest. “Oh, Adrien, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

“It was years ago, right after Maman...anyway, there was nothing you could’ve done. I just...wanted to share this with you. That feeling, the one where you’re all concerned about me? That’s how I feel about you all the time.”

Marinette reached over and grabbed his hand. “Does anybody else know?”

“Nino. Oh, and Bethany.”

“Who?”

“Uh, The Shredder. The akuma victim from a few weeks ago."

“You told her?”

“To comfort her and to let her know that, as cliché as it sounds, things can get better. It’s hard, but it can get better if you work for it.”

“Yeah.” She stared at their hands, not really taking it in.

“Mari?”

“Yeah?”

He squeezed her hand. “Things can get better. I promise. I won’t pretend to understand it, but I do know that it’s possible if you really want it. That came out wrong, shit. I mean that, uh...dammit.”

She gave a small smile. “I understand, Adrien. You’re not offending me by saying it that way.”

“Okay.” He stood and pulled his pants back on, curling next to her when he was done. “You okay, Bug?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to know right now.” He held his arms out to her. “Cuddle?”

“Yeah, I will.” She scooted closer and got comfortable against him. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“That you have to put up with me.”

Adrien frowned. “I don’t think of it that way. I  _ want  _ to spend time with you. You’re not a burden.” He kissed her head. “I promise.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Marinette believed it with her head, but she wondered how long it would be before she believed it with her heart as she eventually drifted off to sleep.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been a bit...I do apologize for the delay; I've been having an interesting few months. Without oversharing, I'll give you all an update on some things:
> 
> Therapy is going well, I think. I feel like I have a grip on things more often than I did before (which still isn't a lot, but improvement is still improvement). We've discussed putting me on medication, which I'm all for, but I'm having a hard time getting that done for lots of various reasons. So, that sucks, but that's the way it goes, I guess? (I suck at staying positive, by the way. Basically anybody can attest to that.)
> 
> When things are tolerable at home, they're getting more tolerable. When they are not tolerable, they're getting worse. Does that bother me? Yes. I can't do anything about it yet, though. It's a lot of hurry up and wait business, which I'm not good at, either.
> 
> I had a verse in my Bible study this week (Romans 5:1-11, in case any of you churchy people want to read it) that says to "Celebrate in seasons of suffering," and I guess I'm trying to do that? I don't know. I feel obligated to, but not in a bad way. I'm slowly trying it out. No idea if I'll be successful or not. (Positive me says yes; unfortunately, most of me is a realist, and she says no.)
> 
> I've gone and overshared anyway. Your prayers and support are always appreciated, and feel free to let me know if you need anything. (And don't be afraid to comment!)
> 
> Love you all  
> xoxo -wwot


	9. Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for suicidal thoughts, negativity, and general depression talk. (As though that's not the common theme in the whole story lol.)

Marinette threw her pencil down in frustration, gaining little satisfaction at the sound of the lead breaking.

_Fucking useless woman. Can’t even design a skirt._

“Mari? Is everything alright?

She turned to Freddie. “Sorry. I’m  just  having an off day.” _Like every day isn’t an "off day" anymore. Why are you even trying?_

He frowned, unable to read her expression. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Yeah, for sure.” She gave an unconvincing smile.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

Marinette nodded. “Yeah. Like I said,  just  having an off day.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.” Freddie patted her shoulder and walked away, leaving Marinette to her work.

_What the fuck is wrong with you? You should’ve said something. Well, it’s not like you can just _ say _, “Yeah, I’m fine. By the way, I want to kill myself.” She shook her head, sharpening her pencil. What the hell’s the point, anyway? The only point in my life is on this pencil. Adrien would be proud of that. Or maybe  not; I don’t know anymore._

She sighed and turned to a blank page in her sketchbook.  The calendar caught her eye (it had black cats all through it; a “congrats on the internship” gift from Adrien), and she stared at the boxes for a good thirty seconds.

She put the pencil down and reached for the calendar, browsing the dates until she found one she liked.

_That’s the day I should kill myself._

She looked around, afraid someone might’ve heard her thoughts. When nobody looked her way, she returned to the calendar and counted backwards.

_Fourteen weeks. Fourteen weeks until I kill myself._

Marinette moved forward in the calendar again and drew a tiny “X” in the corner of her chosen date. _Right, as if I’d forget that. I’ll forget everything else, but I doubt I can forget that._

A reminder on her phone buzzed.

**Lunch with Adrien ♥**

Marinette sighed; Adrien had sensed she wasn’t doing well and insisted on it the day before.

Ellie walked up to Marinette’s desk and tapped on her desk for her attention. “Hey, Adrien’s here for lunch with you. Freddie said you could leave early if you wanted to.”

Marinette looked up at her. “Oh, thank you. I’ll try and get this done before I leave tonight, okay?”

“No problem. Go enjoy your lunch.” Ellie smiled and walked off, leaving Marinette to collect her things.

Marinette joined Adrien outside her office a few minutes later with a weak smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, pretty lady. Ready for some pasta?”

“As long as you’re buying,” she teased.

They walked to their third favorite lunch spot, and Marinette let Adrien fill the conversation before they ordered.

They were silent for a minute before Adrien spoke up. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, why?” _Liar._

“You seem off today is all. Like there’s something you want to say but you don’t think you should.”

Marinette opened and closed her mouth a few times. “Um...I’m  just  distracted. Trying to work on a mini collection and I’m having problems figuring it out. Guess I’m still trying to figure it out.” _You fucking liar. You know you’re distracted because you’re counting how many more lunches you can have with him before you kill yourself_.

Adrien frowned, unsure if he should press the issue further than what she was comfortable with. “Are you sure?”

She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’m sure.” _Adrien knows your tells, dumbass._

He took a deep breath. “Okay. Well, don’t think about it too hard.  Just  be in the moment with me, okay? Work can wait until later.” He gave a soft smile, reaching across the little table to squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry it’s stressing you out so much.”

“Me, too.” She  weakly  grasped his hand. _You have no fucking idea._

“What do you usually do for stress management?”

Marinette froze, trying to hide that she did almost nothing. “I...uh…”

“Marinette, what do you do?”

She bit her lip. “I bake a little sometimes. I talk it out with Tikki  occasionally.”

Adrien paused, collecting his thoughts. “Nettie, honey, that’s not enough.”

Guilt washed over her. _This is why you picked a suicide date, stupid. Because you can't do anything right._ “Yeah, I know.”

“Do you want help with it?”

“I-I mean, if you want to, I wouldn’t turn it down, I guess.” _Yeah, because you can follow through with that._

Adrien patted her hand. “We can do that. Oh, look what’s coming.” He gestured behind her. “Pasta’s almost here.”

Marinette thanked their server, retreating back into her own thoughts. _Enjoy your pasta, Marinette. It might be the last one you ever have._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...hi. It's been a while.
> 
> Firstly, I'd like to remind you of the promise I made when I first started this fic last year: Marinette's not going to kill herself (spoilers, I know). That being said, we have a long road before we get there.
> 
> Secondly, how am I? Well...too much has happened in the last few months. There have been a lot of ups and downs (and it feels like mostly downs lately), but I think things will improve soon. I hope so, anyway...it's been a rough year so far.
> 
> If you have questions, feel free to ask them. Comment/review, or find me on tumblr (miraculousbuttercup is my ML blog and bumfuzzled-buttercup is my main). General comments or whatever are also accepted :)
> 
> Lastly, if you or a loved one is dealing with suicidal thoughts, please seek help. Just google "suicide prevention resources" (and add your specific area if you want to) and you'll get lots of stuff that should help. Please, please do so.
> 
> all my love, -wwot


	10. Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter doesn't actually feature Marinette. Adrien really is a sunshine boy. Alya and Nino are also the best. Suicide/depression warning, blah blah you know the drill by now

Adrien dropped Marinette off at work and took a deep breath, worry working itself deep into his shoulders. Something was up, something that Marinette wasn’t saying to him. He opened his phone to the conversation labeled “Marinette Protection Squad” and sent a quick message explaining how distant she’d been at lunch.

* * *

  **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> She's been like that a lot lately. Work stress?  
_13:03_

 **Adrien A.  
** >> This felt...different? She wasn't super responsive about much of anything, and I can usually get at least something out of her  
_13:05_

 **DJ BUBS  
** >> work can't be helping, the rest of us don't do so hot when we're working too much  
_13:06_

 **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> Yeah, he's right. Work is definitely not helping even if it's not the sole cause.  
_13:08_  
>> Maybe it's the stress combined with the depression?  
_13:09_

* * *

 Adrien bit his lip. Alya was probably right, but that didn't do much to assuage his fears. Hell, she’d already admitted to having suicidal thoughts, not that he truly believed she’d ever act on them, but still.

* * *

  **Adrien A.  
** >> I mean, maybe...  
_13:12_

 **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> We'll just keep a close eye on our girl for a while. How's that sound?  
_13:14_

 **Adrien A.  
** >> Good I guess. I'm just so worried, you know?  
_13:15_

 **DJ BUBS  
** >> we're all worried bro...but we can only do so much  
_13:16_  
>> we can love on her and help her in practical ways and challenge her thinking but we can't actually cure her  
_13:17_  
>> we all want to be there for her and we all want the best for her  
_13:18_  
>> but shit if it isn't hard on all of us sometimes  
_13:18_  
>> nettie included  
_13:19_

 **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> Look at Nino breaking out the wisdom!  
_13:20_  
>> But he's right, sunny boy, we can't do much more than be there for her unless she's put herself in immediate danger.  
_13:21_

 **Adrien A.  
** >> I know that, but it doesn't make it any less stressful bc I would like to prevent that in the first place if I can  
_13:22_

 **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> Yeah, me, too.  
_13:23_

 **DJ BUBS  
** >> same  
_13:23_

 **Adrien A.  
** >> I’m glad we’re on the same page. I need to go, have a shoot. Love you nerds, thanks for your help  
_13:25_

 **~foxy blogger xoxo~  
** >> Any time, sunshine  
_13:26_

 **DJ BUBS  
** >> love you bro  
_13:26_

* * *

Adrien locked his phone and closed his eyes so the makeup artist could start their work. Alya and Nino were right; there was nothing that could be done quite yet except for loving on her, but damn if he wouldn’t try. It would be hard, but he would try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, anyway, here's a short af chapter because life is how it is ~~also wtf is formatting~~
> 
> anyway please comment (I updated because I got a nice comment and got the motivation to write the last 50 words to finish out the chapter), love you all
> 
> xoxo -wwot
> 
> ps also I'm like 98% certain Marinette Protection Squad is a fic title by my fanfiction wife (Leisey in case you're new here) but I'm too tired to confirm that and she's asleep rn so credit to her for that


End file.
